This One Word Sets the Tone of a Home

I’m preparing to walk into my mother-in-law’s bedroom this morning and apologize to her for something thoughtless I said yesterday. It’s not a huge deal, except it is, because it’s something I could have phrased in a different way that would have been more respectful. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning, and I can hear my dad saying to me, “Eat your crow while it’s still warm.”

Here is the one word that will set the tone of your home: Sorry.

When I was a high school teacher, I remember the high school principal telling us a story that one day he said something offensive to a young man in his class, and he made a point to apologize to him. That student said to him, “You’re the first person in my life who has ever apologized to me for anything.” It was a profound moment for both men. 

There is a scarcity of apologizing in this world. 

When I worked at the pharmacy, I often would say, “Oh, sorry” for any little thing, like bumping into someone as I walked past her. One of the technicians found this annoying and regularly told me I shouldn’t apologize for things. I’m here to say that I strongly disagree. If anything, what we need is more sincere apologies infused into our day, for little offenses and big.

Why apologize? Because we are sinful creatures, and we say and do hurtful things to one another. If we love one another, we need to be in tune to how our words and actions affect other people and do something about it immediately. You know what I mean. You can think of something right now that hurt you, and the other person was either oblivious to that fact or chose to ignore it. 

I’m feeling the value of apologies in my home right now, as my little grandchildren come to visit. When my own children were growing up, I always apologized to them if I was in the wrong or if I did something hurtful. Now I am practicing this with my new little people. It’s especially important for those of us in any place of power over someone else. We have power over small children, and it speaks deep love to them if we’re willing to bend down often and say, “Sorry.” This one word built my relationship with my own children, and I pray it will build my relationship with my grandchildren. I often hear my daughter apologize to her boys when she is in the wrong, and I inwardly think, Ah yes, let’s pass this down for generations. 

Paul told the followers of Jesus, “Be completely humble.” Humility is the tone we should strive for in building our homes. I would describe it as an “open concept” home, where there are no prideful walls built to keep us apart from one another.

When you were growing up, did your parents apologize when they were wrong or if they said something hurtful? In your place of employment, does your boss apologize if he is wrong? In your circle of friends, do you apologize if you hurt each other? In your church, do folks apologize quickly if they’ve sinned against each other? If the answer is no, then I implore you to be the first. Be the parent or the employee or the friend or the church member who will ask for a meeting just so that you can say you’re sorry for something you’ve done. Be the person who sets the tone of humility in the office, in the home, in the church. You might be the first person in someone’s life who has been willing to say, “Sorry.”