A Personal Note, Dated This April 28, 2013

Dear friends,

If you’ve been reading my blog post these past three weeks, you know I have gone down to the bottom emotionally and then up again.  You’ve probably thought, This girl needs counseling.  Well, I sleep with a licensed professional counselor every night, and that hasn’t seemed to help.


Thank you for sticking around.  I can’t believe you show up here every day and read all my ups and down.  Do you know I think about you as friends?  I sit here in my basement, wearing pajamas that have this gaping hole under one armpit (Mom, if you’re reading this:  NEED NEW JAMIES!), and I think about who you are on the other end of this blog.  I wonder what you’re going through.  Are you depressed like me?  Joyful like me?  Doubting yourself like me?

I’m such a girl –moods changing as fast as the Montana weather.  My son wore a heavy sweatshirt and shorts and flip-flips to school the other day.  He said, Well, at least half of me will be prepared for whatever the weather turns out to be today.  I feel like that’s what you get when you come to my blog.  Maybe bring a Kleenex and a tambourine –and you’ll be prepared for whatever the “emotion of the day” is.

I want to tell you –when I started writing (over 350 blog posts ago –wow!) I made one hard rule for myself.  I determined that I would ONLY sit down and write about what God is personally doing in my life in that very moment.

Which is why you get this jumbled up mess of joy and understanding and confusion and tears (oh, ever so many tears) and loneliness and frustration and praise.  That’s what girls are like, and that’s what girls following Christ are like!

But as I have struggled these past few weeks, God has been with me every day.  He has revealed to me my sin.  He has encouraged me.  He has answered every stinkin’ question, sometimes faster than I can ask them.

My husband went to this pastor’s conference in Florida this last week, and I was able to watch it on live webcast.  (I actually saw the camera pass over his beautiful bald head several times!!)  Well, every single thing God was showing me in my personal time with Him was repeated over and over at the conference.  That is just cool.  When God wants to get His point across, He can do it with power.

I met with an 80-year-old woman for tea a few days ago, and she said, You can’t go from mountaintop to mountaintop.  There have to be trips through the valleys, too.  Thanks for walking through the valleys with me.  Thanks for the encouraging words you’ve sent my way.  I really like the relationship we have here, and I love it when you send me little notes about what God is doing in your life.  They keep me going!

Hope you have a soul-satisfying day.  Rest hard.  Go spend a few minutes in the sunshine.  And worship our Almighty God with abandon!

Writing from a sincere heart  -christyfitzwater.com


  1. Last week, my husband preached on the 23rd Psalm. When he got to the “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” part, he talked about the many “valley walks” we go on as humans. Depression. Disappointment. Illness. and many more.
    We’ve all been there in one form or another, and still somehow we think that we shouldn’t be the ‘ones’ in such a state. Why not us? You’re wise friend is right. We can’t go from mountain top to mountain top. And, as we go through our valleys, we can shout just as loud as we do when we are on the mountain tops.
    He is my God! I will not be afraid! He leads me! He protects me! He feeds me! and yes, He protects and comforts my sweet sisters in Christ!
    God inhabits the praises of his people. Even when they hurt. Even when they are depressed. Even when he knows it takes every ounce of strength to shout those shouts. He loves each and every jumbled mess we are. In our valleys. On the mountain tops.
    This week my husband preached on heaven! Praise God for the Hope that is within us!!!
    Can’t wait to run through my Father’s house one day! Hair streaming. Barefoot. Laughing with my sisters, knowing He will catch us all in His arms and laugh right along with us!

    1. So true -God does inhabit the praise of His people, even when the praise comes out of a painful place.

  2. …..make that “hormones”…and we will both be happy. : )

  3. I’m sorry you are struggling. I haven’t been even able to make it to the computer the last week due to chronic pain (and I hate laptops ….but I need to get used to them I guess since Jesus doesn’t seem to be healing me.) Anyway, I appreciate your honesty. I love the fact that you are a pastor’s wife as I can identify. Too bad you were not able to go to the conference with your husband. I tell my husband some day I’m going to call and make an appointment to see him too…those poor counselor’s need their sleep at night so it’s just not a good time. : ) Just chalk it up to harmones and look for tomorrow to be a better day.

    1. Haha -I’ve often thought of making an appointment to see my husband at church!

      So sorry you are in pain, Susan. Praying God sustains you for as long as this trial rests on you. And thank the Lord we do not have to be in these bodies forever!!

  4. Oh, how I love your honesty, Chris! I understand exactly what you are going through and feeling because I think we are on the same path. I think it’s so important for us as women to encourage each other and to focus on the truths in the Word rather than the crazy thoughts that can run through our emotional heads. The joys of womanhood, huh?

    1. It’s so, so good to hear that I am not alone, Stephanie. Thank you. I hope we can encourage each other often!!

  5. You my friend, make my heart melt and smile! I am thankful that our mutual friend, D, allowing me the opportunity to visit with you. AND, I love waking up, drinking my coffe, and “visiting” you in my jammies while I hear God’s voice:()

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