What Kind of Home Do You Really Want?

I just got home from my normal Friday grocery shopping, and it wasn’t a great experience.

First, in a checkout lane I struck up a conversation with the worker. She was probably in her mid 20’s. Our conversation turned to gardening, and she vehemently stated that she would not garden and that she was so annoyed at guys who would ask her if she liked to cook or garden.

“So sexist,” she said. “I’m really over guys treating me like that.” I was left speechless and heartbroken.

Then when I got outside of the store, right there at the entrance was a man who had obviously pulled over, gotten out of his car, and was screaming at a woman through her truck window. She was screaming in return.

“Then you shouldn’t have honked at me!” he yelled. 

Both of these encounters hurt my soul, and I thought of them as I ran the rest of my errands. I think my response to these encounters comes back to how important home is and how vital our attitudes and habits are in our home.

We don’t scream in our home. Ever. In 35 years of marriage, Matt has never once raised his voice at me. I don’t scream at him. We didn’t scream at our children. We don’t scream at our grandchildren. We don’t scream. Our home is peaceful and calm. Is there conflict at times? Yes. But we exercise self-control and don’t holler at each other. I was sad listening to that man and woman scream at each other outside of the store, because I imagined that if they were that explosive right out there in public, how much more so in their own homes where they were more comfortable? What do their families experience? How often do they explode at their own spouses and children?  

Do you know what we have in our house? Love around the table. Every Sunday, I make a big meal and our kids and grandkids come over after church. After lunch, we go through a big pot of coffee and stacks of homemade cookies right out of the oven. It is beautiful and peaceful and anything a human could hope for in a home. And some of that food comes from our own garden that Matt and I have proudly planted together. 

Is it sexist that a guy would hope a woman would cook and grow a garden? 

To that girl at the store I lean forward and ask, Girl, what is it you want? When you think of your future happiness and dreams of home life, what are you aiming for? Because I have decades of experience that tell me a woman who can cook a good meal and grow her own lettuce is of great value to her family. Can guys cook? Yeah. My son-in-law is a way better cook than me. Can guys garden? Yeah. My husband loves his tomato plants something fierce. But does that mean it’s sexist for a man to hope a woman would find joy in cooking and cleaning and planting and sowing? I didn’t know how to cook much when I got married, but I wanted to learn. Just last year, I told my husband I want to become a master at cooking and produce chef-quality food. I’m constantly learning new skills in the kitchen. And I just watched a video the other day on having your own worm farm so that you can enrich the soil in your garden. I really want a worm farm. I’m running toward cooking and toward gardening.

To those two screaming in the parking lot at one another, I say, Guys, is this who you are in the walls of your house? This screaming nastiness?

What are you running toward in your home? What kind of a home do you really want? Because whatever it is needs to be so much a part of your values that we see it when you’re at the grocery store.

Time for me to go braise some pork chops and air fry the spicy sweet potato fries that I have planned for dinner. That man is going to be so happy when I put those fries on his plate.