The Importance of Bigging Each Other Up

Have you been binge watching the videos of people from other countries commenting on how incredible America is during the soccer world cup? We didn’t see that coming. I can’t stop watching, because these visitors are so encouraging. 

A video I watched yesterday was my favorite of all. A British woman was saying that everyone needs to have an American friend, because Americans are so good at “bigging each other up.” She said Americans tell you how great you are and cheer you on in whatever endeavor you’re undertaking. Bigging you up? Thank you to the British for the best expression ever.  

Watching all of these videos made by people from Scotland and Australia and France and Italy and the UK, in which they are listing in detail what they love about America, has made me realize how beaten down we’ve felt within our own country. I’ve been watching Turning Point USA videos since Charlie Kirk was murdered, and they’re constantly interviewing college students who think America is the worst. How refreshing to have outside eyes come in and say, “We love this, and this, and this about you.” How encouraging to have someone tell us that we’re patriotic and friendly and overwhelmingly hospitable and generous and helpful. I can hear One Direction singing, “You don’t know you’re beautiful.”  

I’ve been thinking about this from a spiritual perspective and why my spirit feels so boosted by the kind words of these folks. My mind goes to Ephesians 4:29, where Paul tells believers that the only words that should come out of our mouths are words that consider what the other person needs and that build up the other person. If Paul were British, I think he would say, “Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what bigs up the other person.” 

Then I thought of the command that we are to be completely humble. It seems contradictory to say we should build each other up with our words but at the same time we’re supposed to be humble. How do those two things work together? I would say that one is internal and the other is external. 

Internally, we live in constant awareness of our own sin and human weakness. As the psalmist says, we are poor and needy. Paul called himself a wretch and the chief of sinners, and we can quote John the baptist who knew that he had to become less so that Jesus could become more. We know that God hates the proud but gives grace to the humble. We must live in humility.

But externally, we need outsiders to look at us and big us up. Our hearts are easily discouraged and worn down, and to have someone say thank us for something valuable we’ve done or to point out some good quality she sees in us is deeply encouraging and can help us persevere when we thought we were failing or when life has been hard. Wow have these visitors from other countries shown us what encouragement looks like during this world cup season. Our guests have graciously praised us and have even apologized to us for their presuppositions about who we are as a country. How refreshing to be completely surprised by their kind words. I have left a comment after every video, thanking each person for his or her kind words that have built us up when we have desperately needed it.  

We have the opportunity to take this experience and bring it into our homes and our work places and our churches. We can follow Paul’s advice and big one another up (hope you don’t mind me using that new expression.) When is the last time you looked at your husband and said, “I think you’re an excellent husband for these three reasons…” When is the last time you looked at your child or your co-worker or your friend at church and purposefully said to him what you think he’s good at and why you appreciate him so much, with joy on your face and authentic delight in who he is? Nothing fake –just a true gut response to seeing good in another person. 

Life is hard and painful. Criticism is easy and common. Hurtful words tear down and last for a long time in the spirit. Lies circulate abundantly. Those kinds of words make a person feel small, and if enough of those painful words pile up in someone’s mind, he starts to shrink back from all of the good works God wants him to do, because he feels too defeated to do them. But kind words that build can change everything for a person who is struggling. Kind words can help us press forward toward even greater character and integrity and fruitfulness. I’ll be curious to see how this invasion of encouragement from around the globe will have ripple effects in our country in the months to come.  

Think of someone in your life who could use some bigging up. Get your phone and make that person a video or a voice message highlighting three things you see in his life that delights you and makes you proud of him. Hit send and surprise him with encouragement. Your words could be the first drops of rain that end a drought.