I just spent the last five months waking up every day and saying, I cannot do this. As a brand new Spanish teacher, I entered a school where I knew NOTHING. I had to ask what I should wear, how to make double-sided copies, and what time I should be at work. I knew the name of one student out of 40. I tried to open the window and couldn’t even do that. It had a weird latch you have to pull out on and then slide the window.
I had zero lesson plans.
I had no idea what the students had already learned.
I couldn’t remember how to conjugate a verb in the preterite.
I didn’t know how to organize the paperwork and had to be told by the principal to make sure my door was unlocked so he could get in to observe my class (which sent me into hives when he walked in, because I didn’t know what I was doing.)
On top of all that, I had to at least act like I knew what I was doing in front of my students, except I think they could tell by the perspiration stains that reached to my waistline that I most definitely did not.
Yesterday a student asked me, Is this semester easier for you than the first?
I said, Oh my word, yes.
She said, You’re doing a good job.
Bless her. I spared her a kiss on the forehead for that kindness, but girl, if you’re reading this? A kiss to you. Mwaaaa.
On my way home, I thought, I am doing a good job. Finally. Finally I know what I’m doing. Perfect? Absolutely not and never will be, but I am finally getting the hang of it.
And I love teaching. My students are treasures seated in chairs, and what a thrill when I can assess that they have learned something. It was worth the sweat (gallons), tears (buckets), and hours (hundreds), but every day I wanted to give up.
Thank God for a husband who wouldn’t let me and for the Spirit of God who bolstered my trembling soul.
What are you doing that is really, really hard? Raising kids? Persevering in a challenging marriage? Grieving a disappointment? Doing laundry?
“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:4 NIV)
Persevere until the reward.
There is a reward.