How to Escape Being Surrounded but Feeling Alone

How to Escape Being Surrounded but Feeling Alone

I had a sleepover in my daughter’s dorm room last week, before helping her move out for the semester. I thought it was very brave of me to climb up on that high bunk bed. Jayme left for an evening study session for her last final, and I laid in bed for quite a while listening to all the sounds of the dorm, trying to soak in what my girl had experienced for an entire year.

Doors closing.

Chatting in the halls.

Music playing.

So many girls.  Yet I was alone.

It’s possible to be just a few feet away from a dozen or a hundred other people but not be a part of them.

Do you know that you can walk past a woman in church dozens of times, say hello, worship in the same room –and all the while she feels on the OUTSIDE? Just a few feet away from all these people who should be family –sisters –yet no connection. And you won’t know her loneliness, because she will be the one with the smile pasted on.

Usually we assume women are okay unless they show us otherwise, but this is foolish thinking, because women are good pretenders. What woman is going to walk into church and say, “Hi, I’m really hurting and lonely. Will you be my friend and include me in your life, or I don’t know how I can keep going?”

We should assume women feel like they’re on the outside, until proven otherwise.

When you go to church this weekend will you search for the alone one? Will you say hello and ask, “How are you?” Then stay to hear the long answer to that question.

Serve one another humbly in love.

(Galatians 5:13 NIV)

I noticed a sign in Jayme’s dorm that encouraged the girls to open their doors for a little while every day. That’s all we have to do to remove the separation between us and the lonely women -open the door.


  1. Christy,
    This is so true! Sadly, it is other “Christian” women who exclude a lot of the time. I am excluded from a weekly neighborhood bible study because I have small children. Every Thursday, I feel sad and alone when I see them all together.

    Great post 🙂

    1. Maybe you should look for some other moms with little kids and start your own Bible study!

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