I suggested to both moms that perhaps going in on an E-reader would be the perfect gift for Matt’s birthday this November.
So I could have my Kindle back, for Pete’s sake.
They gave in, and I was able to buy a novel for my Kindle this Thanksgiving break, with the lofty goal of reading for pleasure.
And God used the book I purchased as a salve for my heart.
Let me back up to the weekend before Thanksgiving break –when I took Matt’s truck to get the oil changed while he was writing his sermon, and that is where they told me his battery was almost dead and would probably give him fits in cold weather.
And he was going to leave on his hunting trip that night after church.
So I went to NAPA to buy a battery.
My dad practically lived at NAPA. He made coffee there every morning, chatted with the help, gave advice on all things auto, and fed the owner’s dog a regular supply of Pupperoni’s. Just the smell of the store makes me miss him.
I kept my sunglasses on while I went in to buy the battery, so the men couldn’t see my eyes that were puffy from crying. (Although my sons says they probably thought I was an addict instead.)
And I changed that battery all by myself, dripping tears on it the whole time.
All the hard upon hard of the last year piled up against my heart and dumped despair, the way clouds pile up against the mountains behind my house and dump snow.
I found myself feeling hopeless and afraid to love the people in my life, for fear of losing them. It was as if I was grieving the loss of people before they were even gone.
That is a dark perspective.
Here is where I tell you that God stepped in with a candle, to give me a little light. Not six 40-watt bulbs and one 60-watt bulb, some of which I just replaced in the bathroom, and now we have to wear sunglasses when we brush our teeth.
Just enough light for me to know he sees me.
And he knows what to say to make me entertain the idea of hope.
The first encouragement came when I slumped down on the couch, with Bible in hand. I avoided the depressing Ezekiel, by looking back to what I had read the day before, in the more pleasant Psalms.
Blessed is the man who fears the Lord,
who finds great delight in his commands.
He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
His heart is secure, he will have no fear…
Don’t fear bad news, the Lord said to me. Trust me.
Then there was that novel I bought, with stories of three different siblings who lived during WWII. The theme of each story was that God encourages us to continue to love and hope even when we’re afraid to experience hurt again.
How kind the Lord is.
While I was in the middle of turmoil this last year, God was working in the hearts of Tricia Goyer, Cara Putnam, and Sarah Sundin, to write this novel that spoke to my deepest need.
God wants us to feel secure. He wants us to have a steadfast heart that’s not afraid of bad news.
Maybe you’ve had excessively hard times this year? So hard that you find yourself guarding your heart and fearing what horrible news will come next?
I light this candle for you: We can trust the Lord.
He cares about us.