I don’t often talk to you about how strange this process of writing is, but I feel like you should know about Thursday night.
I had a thought on my mind for a few days and finally got it down on paper. (I still say paper, even though it is a Word document. Paper sounds more enchanting, doesn’t it?)
Then I began to experience what I now define as “blog angst”.
ANGST: A feeling of anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression.
The symptoms include very loud sighing that sometimes can last for hours. Multiple trips to the basement to tweak the blog. General unrest while trying to relax in the living room with my family, which leads my husband to ask why I am flopping around.
There is a sidebar on my blog dashboard that shows how many revisions I have made to my writing.
The total came to six for the blog post entitled People of Weakness and their Happy Ending. (Will you enjoy the irony of that for a moment?)
Six times I sighed myself back downstairs, #6 being at 1:00 in the morning. Yes, out of a dead sleep I woke up and had to change just one more thing.
Six times I felt like God had a wonderful truth for me to share.
But was I saying it well?
Was it stupid? (Blog angst always leads me to say, “I am dumb. Everything I write is dumb. Everyone in the whole world is going to think I am dumb.” And I do realize this is ridiculous.)
On the fifth flop, which landed me in bed, my husband came upstairs and stroked my hair with great pity.
Poor little miserable writer.
He leaned over and whispered, You are a good writer, and you are doing good work.
The thing is, I don’t know if what I have written is good, I said.
And aha! This is what I want to share with you today.
Do you realize most of the time we have no idea the value of the work we are doing? We don’t know how it will affect people. We don’t know what God will do with it. We don’t know if we’re making perfectly wise choices. We don’t know how far our good works will reach.
Moms, teachers, employees, pastors, husbands –we all wonder every day if we are making a difference.
I open my Bible to the letter Paul wrote to the Corinthians, and I say to Paul, You had no idea a Montana girl would be sharing your words on a computer in 2014. You didn’t know your words would make it to the internet where anyone in the world could read them within seconds. You didn’t know there would be an internet. You didn’t know there would be a Montana.
We make it our goal to please him. (2 Corinthians 5:9 NIV)
Paul’s goal was never to measure his blog stats or to look to see how many pins his latest post got. Of course, Pinterest is girly. But you know what I mean.
Paul woke up every day and worked hard to please the Lord, and all the fruit of his work was in the Lord’s hands. Completely in the Lord’s hands.
So we make it our goal to please the Lord.