Getting Through Stress Without Destroying Your Marriage

We’re going to Texas next week to see our nephew graduate. Hello family and Texas BBQ. But what if I die before leaving on vacation? We have family coming to stay with Aunt Joan while we’re gone, so of course the house has to be perfectly clean and the yardwork meticulously done and somewhere in there I probably should pack. And I work two of the days coming up. And grandkids will be here all day Thursday. Oh, and I need to make our company some fresh sourdough before I go. And it’s May, of course, so there are flowers from Mother’s Day to plant and graduation cards coming in. You know, all the things that can make a woman C.R.A.Z.Y.

This afternoon I was, unfortunately, reading Proverbs 12:4 that says, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”

Gotta admit, if you were to ask Matt about my character this week, I bet you 100% he would say I have been decaying his bones (except that he’s so predictably kind that he wouldn’t come right out and say it, but he might give you a good side eye.) Because a wife who is trying to get ready for vacation? Not usually her husband’s crown. More like a crabby, snappy, sigh-y, weepy hot mess.

So here are a few tips for when you’ve morphed into that disgraceful wife:

1. Talk about the stress and why you’re stressed, so that poor man knows it’s the overwhelm that has you wound so tight and not something he’s done wrong. 

2. Apology quickly if you’ve been a jerk. I mean, it’s not his fault you have ridiculous expectations for what you’ll accomplish before you get on the airplane.   

3. Ask him for help. Maybe you’re already good at this, but I am an independent woman and despise asking for help. I also know I’m shaped by God to be his helper, so it kills me inside to need help instead of being help. Having him carry some of the load makes me feel like a miserable failure, but if the health of his very bones is at stake, then he’s better off chipping in than living with the grump of the universe. I’ve also noticed he gets things done way faster than me, because he’s not overthinking everything.

4. Work harder. I remember my psychology professor in college, who kindly took time to help us freshman with some tips for succeeding in college. He said, “If you’re stressed about the work load in front of you, the only way to get unstressed is to get the work done.” Best life advice I ever got. So I woke up this morning and hit the ground running. I have only sat down for lunch and to type this blog post. My back is not happy, but I am going to work like a crazy fool today, to get through my list so that my husband’s bones are safe.

5. Pray. “Dear Jesus, please help me.” 

6. Decide what to let go. I’m looking at my list for today thinking that detailing my car before the company comes just might not happen. They might have to drive a dirty car. We’ll see. But my to-do list could use a little common sense right now.

All right, time to hit send on this note to you and get back to work. If any of you see my husband this week, could you please be extra nice to him? He’s going through it.